sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
