pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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