is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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