he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
