Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
