You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
