so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
