I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
