there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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