I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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