I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
