I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish they made helmets for livers.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
