hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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