Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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