dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
