Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
