I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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