We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
