And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
