i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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