the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize