I wanna bring you to show and tell
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
