So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
