That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
