I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
