did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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