Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
