so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
