I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize