I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
