a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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