Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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