I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
