Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
