I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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