textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
