how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
