No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
