U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
