my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
