About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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