Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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