I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
