Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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