During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
