i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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