are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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