in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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