My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
