glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
