you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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