We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
