The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
