So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
