Im at strip club and am horny
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I looked at my own cervix.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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