I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
