they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
