i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
