I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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