somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
