Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you inspire me to be a worse person
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
