Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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