i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
