still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
