Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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