Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
