glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and she was petting her beer can
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
