ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
