you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
