if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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