i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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