Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
