you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
