I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
