If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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