ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
