His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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