Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
