How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
