I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
